Amo, amas

You weren’t my first crush.
That distinction belongs to a boy in second grade.
He got motion sickness on every field trip,
His nose was always running,
He was an infamous teacher’s pet and yet,
He was my Prince Charming.
Love is like that.
I wrote him a valentine from his secret admirer,
Even had my mom rewrite it so he wouldn’t know
it was me.
I put it in his desk at lunch
With no one to see,
But Love is cruel
The letter was on stationery
With my name on it.
There are some things no amount of planning can protect against.

I didn’t plan to be in love with you.
I didn’t plan to tell
You how I felt, but then
I did,
One night in the summer
When the heat was thick and the air
Was heavy, and the cat was
Stuck to the floor, collapsed in a heap
And suddenly I felt a burst
Of hope that made me think
“who knows?”
They say the only risk
Is not taking one.
But as soon as the words were out,
And couldn’t be revoked
I knew I should not have taken
This risk, realization reaching, creeping
Like black-clawed roots.
It was never the same between us
After that night, so still and heavy,
That filled me with boldness.
Well, Love can be like that.

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I Should Know Better

It’s too cold to sit outside
But the past week fooled us, made us
Think that maybe spring would come
Even though it’s far too soon

We’re sitting our same old way, leaning back
In precarious chairs
Speaking well worn words
Sharing jokes that go unspoken
Because we know them all by heart

You laugh at how my little legs dangle
and my jacket is too big
and I laugh at how you laugh at me
and how I don’t mind

I should know better, but I’ve been
Thinking teenage thoughts
Writing poems rejoicing in
How I write poems
Watching gray skies and
Making dramatic line breaks,
Hoping that will soothe me, move
Time forward, make sense that someone else
Can see, that lasts a little longer
That might be something new this time
For real, for true, for not just me

Winter ends when winter ends
And I should know better
But last week was warm
And I don’t.

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Manhattan

You land of dreams
Of stars of flashes of specks
High-hatted, high-bouncing
Love, boundless
Drunk and bubbling
Your warm windows and dancing silhouettes
Melting on a summer night
In caresses, steamy kisses
The last sip in a crystal glass
An ashen trail
Drifts up to the stars
Over you, city brighter
Than the heavens.

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Southeast Alaska State Fair

Sun streams down
As dust and horse smell rises
From the hay and woodchips
Susie in green sings her Irish ditties
Her jigs and reels and drinking songs
Of working men, their pretty gals
And whiskey in the jar
While little blonde kids hop
Like gray jays

Sunburned men with beer bellies and thick necks
Slap each other on the back
Rev their chainsaws
Throw their axes
Roll their logs
And even so far north
Still seem to have southern accents

Ian and I look for food
And stop to harass the Jesus lady
Who has riddles and boxes of morals
To show us
We look into a mirror that says
“Who did Jesus die for?”
Everything’s my fault
She is a nice lady
Young, with big glasses
And hair that falls in her eyes
She wants to save us
Ian wants to argue
But the minister comes over
Puts him in a chair and talks to him about baptism
The lady looks warmly towards me
And it stops being funny
Her teeth are crooked as she smiles at me
She is thin
She has a six year old son
Out of wedlock, she tells me
I try to hold her gaze but can’t
She gives me a Bible
And wishing me well
Sends me off
Laden with pamphlets and shame
I went looking for a hotdog and found Jesus instead

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Winter In Bath (Song Lyrics)

It’s wintertime in Bath
It’s wintertime again
Ice and snow, the wind and cold
Like an old familiar friend

Clouds are moving in
They hung a Santa Claus, by the OTB
The branches are falling
From bare old trees

And the earth is frozen stiff
And a fresh snow’s bout to fall
And one more year, or maybe a day
And that snow will bury us all

Springs have long dried up
Houses chipped and gray
Football banners coming down
In that old familiar way

Smoke is floating from the roofs
And over across town
Some business men with their ambitions
Are trying to break ground

But the earth is frozen stiff
And a fresh snow’s bout to fall
And one more year, or maybe a day
And that snow will bury us all